i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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