They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
