So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You can't just leave with hair like that
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
