I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I would fuck him just for his dog
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
