I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize