Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
