I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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