Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
