you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
