I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
