your thong is hanging out like whoa
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
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