adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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