Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
