do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
