my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize