in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize