tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize