You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
