We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
