and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
