I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
