my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize