those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
