I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
