From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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