Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
