i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
