I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
