i barfeds in our rink
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
