Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
