Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
