i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
