so that wasnt chicken after all
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
