i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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