I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
