community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
