Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I touched a dick in church today
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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