Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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