Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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