dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
