The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
