i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
