I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
