Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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