She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
