I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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