help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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