Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
She bit a glass in half.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
