i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
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