I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize