We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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