Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
