yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
