I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
