i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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