i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize