Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
