I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
