what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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