Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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