Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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