You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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