guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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