your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I need to stop coming to work sober
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
